As I came to in the recovery room, I remember the surgeon and a couple nurses standing around my bed. "Did it go ok?" were the first words I mumbled. Then the doctor told me he did not perform the hernia repair, instead took a biopsy of my lymph node to send out for a closer look. He later explained to me that I did not have a hernia as first suspected, but abnormal lymph nodes. I knew this was not good news but I had no idea what the actual news would be. Of course the big "C" came to mind. The doctor explained to me that he could not tell me anything definite until the biopsy report came back. I looked at him and said "just between you and I, on a scale from 1-10, cancer being 10, what do you think?" he looked at me and said "9". Although, it was not the response I wanted to hear, I appreciated his honesty. I knew then that I was heading down a new path that would eventually change me into someone other than who I thought I was.
A PET scan, couple weeks later and here I am. Diagnosed with an aggressive stage 4 large B cell non-Hodgkins lymphoma. Basically it means that the cancer has spread to all the lymph nodes throughout my body. I started chemo treatment this past Wednesday. That was by far the scariest day I have ever encountered. I didn't know what to expect. I remember my mom and dad picking me up at home and driving me to the hospital for the first treatment. It was 7:30 am. As I was sitting in the waiting area to be called back for infusion, tears just started rolling down my face. Not because I was sad or mad or angry, but because I was scared. I was terrified. I had heard all the horror stories of chemo treatment and the violently ill feelings people would experience. Vomiting, nausea....etc. The conversation I was having at the time was with God. I begged for relief from the oncoming sickness. I didn’t beg Him to remove it from me, just for Him to make it bearable. You see, I was healthy. No signs of cancer, no sickness before the “hernia” surgery. Now I’m faced with blasting my body with chemotherapy that will make me sick. It was all so confusing.
It’s now been 6 days since my first chemo treatment and I have not experienced one moment of nausea or vomiting. Our God is good. He has enabled me to handle this without any of the “normal” side effects. I praise Him and thank Him for sparing me my worst nightmare. Don't misunderstand me.... there are days I can barely stay awake for 3 straight hours. There are times that I am so confused and forgetful, but it always passes with the next sunrise. I am so thankful that I am not angry, because I am not. I am just as deserving of such a horrendous illness as the next guy. I just thank God that it was me that this happened to and not a close loved one or one of my family members. I know where I stand with my Savior, so all will be well. I also thank God daily for surrounding me with such wonderful friends and family, in real life and on Twitter. I am a fortunate man to be loved by so many and a blessed man to be loved by our Savior.
Ok, so the signed Celine Dion photo on this blog was a gift from a dear friend. I just hope he doesn't expect to have it back once I have beaten this!